15 ways to be a better mom

It goes without saying that mothers have an important role to play in their children's lives. Here are a few tips on how you can be a better parent to your child:

1. Respect and value your child

Always respect your children -- respect and listen to their views and values, their opinions. Give them your complete attention when they want to talk to you. Put whatever activity you are engaged in on hold, and if that's not possible, set a time for when you can chat, and make sure to stick to it.

Encourage your children every opportunity you get. Make them feel special and express your love for them often. Hug them, kiss them and say 'I love you' everyday, not just when they are young but also as they grow older. Let them feel your love and affection as often as you can.

2. Talk to your kids

Conversing with children is the best way to influence their ability and love for learning. Children who are spoken to often as infants will understand more words when they are toddlers and pre-schoolers than others. Communication also strengthens the mother-child bond and eases out the communication barriers, even as kids grow older.

3. Have fun with them

Mothers are so busy with their day-to-day routines that they forget to have fun with their children. Take out one-on-one time to enjoy with your child. Do something that both of you like -- indulge in outdoor games, art and craft, board games, go for a walk, chat, cook -- do anything at all that makes you feel good. Laugh together, tickle each other, dance, sing songs, just have FUN!

4. Read to your little ones

Reading to your children is the best way to inculcate a reading habit in them, which leads to a love of learning as they grow older. Reading also creates an emotional bond between parent and the child, whether it's lap-time reading, bedtime reading or any other way of doing it that you both enjoy. Moreover, it develops their imagination, creativity, vocabulary and communication skills.

5. Keep your children safe

All parents want to keep their kids safe. Remember to take the necessary precautions, whether it is making them sit in the backseat of the car while driving, or making sure that there is someone responsible with them at all times. Make sure your home is childproof, with electrical outlets out of reach, furniture edges rounded off, glass items out of the way etc.

6. Teach your children values

Make sure to impart good values to your kids -- it's the best gift you'll ever give them. Values are the foundation of a child's character. Teach your children values through everyday interactions, stories and by the way you conduct yourself. While story-telling, however, make sure you don't connect the story to the child. If, for example, you want to teach your little one about honesty, tell him/ her interesting stories related to it. Do not say, "You should behave in the same manner as so-and-so did and always tell the truth" -- the message will not sink in. To a youngster, this feels like nagging and moralising, which will go in one ear and out the other.

7. Be a good role model

Remember that your kids are watching you all the time and want to ape you in every possible way. Even very young children take in and listen to everything their parents say and do, so remain aware of your actions and behaviour around them. For example, if you talk rudely to the domestic help, you will not be very successful in teaching your children the value of politeness. Model the behaviour that you want them to develop.

8. Keep your kids healthy, but allow them their personal likes and dislikes when it comes to food

Provide nutritious meals for your children, but allow them to make their own choices about what they like or don't like. As long as you are providing them with nutritious options and not junk food, they will almost always make the right choices. With young children, try and be creative with their meals, so that it's fun for them. If, for instance, there is cooked vegetable and chapattis for dinner, fold some cooked veggies into each chapatti so that the kids can enjoy it as a roll.

9. Set rules and limits

A good mother is firm and flexible. Don't leave discipline only to a child's father. Set reasonable rules and limits and discuss them with your kids beforehand. Follow through with the consequences whenever applicable. However, there are times when you have to be flexible and ease the rules; times when youngsters are tired, sleepy, hungry or not well.

10. Be just and fair

Treat all your children in the same manner. However, don't try to be overly fair, as it will get in the way -- for example, if you are out shopping and spot a book that one of your kids needs for a reference project, you do not necessarily have to buy something for the other child. Similarly, bring the other child what he/ she requires when it's needed. As long as you are providing for both of them equally, they will understand and not make an issue. When you try to be overly fair, children tend to find faults with every little thing you do.

11. Don't interfere in your children's fights unless it's necessary

Allow your kids to settle issues on their own. As long as there is no bullying or physical violence, do not get involved in their fights. When you try to resolve their disputes, you will be required to take sides and this will not go down well with one of them. It is better to allow children to handle their own problems as far as possible. If they are not able to do it, or you feel like the situation is getting to you, ask them to play separately till they are able to be civil to each other and find a solution. You will be doing them a favour by teaching them the values of co-operation, problem-solving and compromise in the process.

12. Honour their father

One of the best things a mother can do is honour her children's father in front of them. Even if you are separated or divorced, never speak ill about your spouse in front of your children. Talk about him with respect and teach your children to respect him too.

13. Get the kids to interact with extended family

Get your children to bond with extended family -- uncles, aunts, cousins. Make an effort so that they interact with both the maternal and paternal sides. Even if you don't get along with your in-laws, teach your children to respect their grandparents. They will hold you in higher esteem for doing that.


14. Keep your self-respect intact

Always expect to be treated with respect by others in the presence of your kids and by your kids themselves. Do not allow anyone to cross a line. Maintain your dignity under all circumstances; be honest and keep your integrity intact always.

15. Take care of yourself

Sleep well and take out time for yourself. Keep yourself in good health. Remember, a happy, relaxed mother can give more of herself to her children and family than an overworked, tense parent.

12 ways to be a better dad

What do I do with a three-year-old who's grabbing my trouser leg just as I am on an important call?'

'I don't really want to play house-house or hide and seek or football after a long, hard day at work.'

'I'd rather watch the news/ financial channels, instead of watching cartoons.'

'How am I going to get this adamant child to eat his food?'

'Isn't this all in the mommy's domain? Isn't my role that a provider?'

And that last is a wail for help! If these questions plague you, then you must be a Dad. And here's what you can do to remove the struggle out of being Daddy.

1. Spend time with your children

How much time a father spends with his children tells them how important they are to him. Spend at least 15 minutes everyday having FUN with your children on a one to one basis, more when you can.

Find something that both of you enjoy, be it a sport, board games, laughing together, tickling, dancing, painting� absolutely anything that is fun for both of you!

Remember, just filling their cupboards with toys and other material things is not going to build the bond, spending time together is what will get you closer.


2. Respect your children

Talk politely to your children. It is very important for us to respect to them if we want them to respect us.

Listening to them when they are talking, not interrupting their conversations, allowing them to make some of their own decisions, all go a long way in showing respect.

3. Communication is important

Talk to your children. Talk about their day-to-day routines and tell them about yours. Be aware of your child's life, know their friends, the activities they do, their hobbies, and their interests. Get to really know your children.

4. Don't just hear, LISTEN

When children talk, what they are saying is very important to them. Don't jump in and start giving advice, just listen to them. Try and understand the feelings behind the words.

Even if the talk seems childish patter to you, it is very important to listen, to really listen to your children.

Be available for them. Keep the newspaper aside, switch off the television, put your mobile on silent. Maintain eye contact and give them your undivided attention

This will tell your children how important they are to you. It will go a long way in increasing their self-esteem and also set the stage for more meaningful conversations, as your child grows older.

Though if your children come to you at one of those times when you are really busy, tell them you will listen to them once you are done. Fix up a time -- it could be half an hour later -- to listen to what they have to say, and make sure to follow through with it.

5. Teach and encourage

Many times fathers think teaching is something their spouses or the school has to do. But a father who teaches his children about right and wrong, and encourages them to do their best, will see his children make good choices.

Fathers who are involved in the daily routines will teach their children the basic values of life through everyday examples.

6. Discipline with love

All children need guidance and discipline, not as punishment, but to set reasonable limits.

Discipline should always come from a place of love to teach the children responsible behaviour.

You have to keep in mind that as the child grows older, the freedom should be increased and the limits have to be reduced. Take something as simple as bedtime. An older child can stay up till a much later time than a younger one.

Use choices where possible, though always remember that the choices given should be acceptable to you. Use positive forms of discipline such as logical consequences; wherein the consequence is connected to the misbehaviour.

For example, if the crayons are not put in the box after using them, the child loses the privilege of using them for maybe two days. Be sure to discuss this with your child beforehand and follow through with it the next time the situation occurs.

7. Demonstrate your love

Children need the security of being loved and accepted by their families. Showing affection is a wonderful way to demonstrate the love you have for your child. Hug them, kiss them and be there for them at all times.

Let them know they have your unconditional love and support. This will strengthen the parent-child bond and make your discipline and communication an easier process.

8. Respect your child's mother

One of the best things a father can do for his children is to respect their mother. If you are married, keep your marriage strong. Show your love and affection for your spouse. When you have a conflict, demonstrate how two people can make up. This teaches your children a lot about relationships.

If you are divorced, it is still important to respect the mother of your children. Don't ever badmouth your spouse in front of the children. When children see you respecting each other, they are more likely to feel accepted and respected as well.

9. Eat together as a family

Mealtimes are special times for bonding as a family. Sharing a meal together is an important part of healthy family life (breakfast, lunch or dinner).

Besides providing stability to busy days, it is a wonderful opportunity for the entire family to share the happenings of their lives with each other. It is a time of togetherness and strengthening the family ties.

10. Take your children for outings

Take your children to the zoo, museums, the beach. Take them for walks; take them swimming, bowling, to the park. Take them to the temple. Fly kites with them, play Holi with them.

Give them your undivided attention and take the opportunity to teach them at these times. Spend time on a one-to-one basis or as a family. But, most importantly, enjoy yourself with them!

11. Be involved in your children's lives and make them feel important

Give priority to your children over other things and other people. Attend parents' days, sports day, annual day celebrations and any events they are participating in or which are important to them.

No matter what you say to them, children know you would give your time to those things and those people who are important to you. Remember this the next time you have to take a decision on whether to attend an event that is important to your child.

Being a part of their important days will not only build your child's self esteem but also go a long way in strengthening your relationship with them.

12. Be a good role model

Practise what you preach. Don't tell your kids that honesty is the best policy and then ask your spouse to say you are not at home when an unwanted person calls.

Children will model themselves on your actions more than your words.

When you make promises, even to your children, follow through with them. Be the same
man behind closed doors as you are in public. This will increase the respect your children have for you.